Shit. I'm so exhausted. The future doesnt look promising enough. The prospect of me screwing up my projects and failing my modules. I don't know how much longer i can hold this. The tears i've shed all nights long, the constant fears that cost my sleep, the frustration building up, the whining i alone hear, the urge to just blow my top off, to shout and scream to all the people that makes my life a lot more worst.

And what a way to start the year. I dread school. I wonder why i chose it in the first place. To think i could start fresh and be happy. There wasn't any happy memories it place me to set the record on. Na-da. I dont remember laughing so hard and be happy like what i had in secondary school.

Screw all the marketing, excel, macro and the tests. All the reluctant and dying efforts i put in all of the projects. Somehow, just getting the minimum requirements is enough for me. I cant be bothered to explain more and think better. What's wrong with you, ayu.

And writing this post is actually making me cry. I don't know why God place me in such difficult and horrendous position. If i was not strong enough, i would be long dead. Man, i think im depressed. I talk to myself alot and day-dream loads too when i should listen to lectures.

And there's the bloody presentation. What's the point of it anyway. We have already submit the effing report and present it? Cant the tutor just read it and alocate the marks. Shit. Im screwing up this marketing project. From the questionaire to the report to the presentation itself. All of it. Dear tutor, i spare you from analysing my report. Just gave me a C or D or F.

I'm so tired of all this.And it's just year 1. What will happen to the rest of the year. i cant figure out which is worst.

I cant mend the past.
You cant too.